tessah's ruby...

you may or my not have noticed that i used to wear a ring with a small ruby in it. i don’t wear it anymore b/c it is too big. i think about it though...and i took it out of my jewellery box tonight.


this is the story for that ruby...

some people believe that halloween night it the only night of the year that spirits who have passed can reconnect with the living....that’s what the lost souls...day of the dead...halloween...whatever you want to call it.... is all about.

it was the halloween after tessah died and i had done a shrine in the parade of lost souls...it was a nice thing to do....although it made people sad...it made me feel better.

it was also around the time i was fighting city hall to try and get her birth certificate and it was making me feel like her short time with us never happened. (they wouldn't issue one b/c her death certificate was signed before the birth certificate...something even larry campbell couldn't even fix..but i guess that's another story) anyway.... it seemed important to do something for her to recognise her existence and kept me busy since i hadn’t returned to work yet.

after the parade sean and i came home. we didn’t bring kimba b/c he is scared of noises and crowds and we really hadn’t had him long at that point. so sean took kimba for a walk around the neighbourhood.

there were still a few kids around....anyway while sean was walking kimba he found a ring. a tiny gold ring...the smallest i have ever seen i think. it wouldn't even fit on my pinky...with a small ruby. i could tell right away that it was real. it was hanging from a small gold chain that had broken. sean showed it to me and we just looked at each other....we know what each person was thinking...but we didn’t say it.

sean put the ring away and put signs up all around the neighbourhood “childs? ring found...halloween night”

we got calls but mostly from kids with the parents prompting them in he background. none where the owner.

anyway i forgot about that ring for awhile until my birthday of the next year...and tessah’s due date...forever entangled with my birthday. sean had the gold melted down to make a ring with the ruby to remember her by.



happy halloween.

:)

recuperation day

back from seattle. got home at 4am last night. it was a fun weekend even though i was kinda low on energy. got to stay with my good friend and long lost cousin, brian lynch...he’s not really my cousin, i just call him that. i also got to see my dancing pals from portland. it seems i'm becoming an honorary portlander...we're just alot of misfits i suppose...

today was basically recuperation day. i went to to doctor's and he gave me a 3 star bill of health. he was really impressed with all my results of my tests says i’m super duper healthy! ....just going crazy. ok he didn’t say that. but he did say my tests are back and i’m not old.....ok he didn’t say that either. but that’s what i heard and i’m pretty happy about that..except the going crazy part!

tonight garnet came by and put up this banner that he has leant me to brighten up my walls. it looks amazing....

thanks g.
after we went to tapango with corie. it was nice to see corie agian...hadn't seen him in a bit. it was a little chilly in there though. the heat had broken and g was trying to fix it....

:)

boo

ok..it’s the weekend!! for me at least...and it’s off to seattle tomorrow for some dance workshops and halloween ball. i have no costume...of course! too busy buying costumes for actors!

it will be a fun weekend i think...i need the break.

:)

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....

i’ve been writing a lot lately...not just here. i’ve been writing letters almost nightly..well... maybe not nightly...but quite a bit in the last week or so. i email them to myself....that way i get lots of mail on a regular basis!
(that was a joke...just in case you didn’t get it....

so i guess i’m all written out....perhaps....tired perhaps.... emotionally drained....perhaps yes.
and perhaps a little disappionted in a few important people in my life...

:)

a teacher, a scientist and a costume stylist....

...go into a bar....
ok..no...it’s not a bad joke...

that’s anne, roger and me (last year halloween)!

we are an unlikely 3some for sure. there is a 14 year age difference between the three of us....we grew up in different countries....very different jobs....but here we are friends.

i was annes birthday today. we went for a nice pint at dentry’s an irish pub that the three of us got...well...shit faced...a year ago last st patty’s day. also down the street from fiction the bar we spent rogers last night in... halloween night...last year.

as i drove by it tonight i fondly remembered how roger's friends had never seen him swing dance so i popped a cd in my car stereo...cranked it and we did a little tipsy demo on the sidewalk! we got kind of a crowd! people came out of the bar to watch.

well..it’s too bad roger wasn’t here to celebrate with us....but he will be here soon....and that should be fun.

happy birthday anne!

:)

sunday big chill....

sometimes i just love an appreciate hanging at home on my own... especially when i’ve been working or away from home a lot. as people already know...i’m not a home body..far from it...but sometimes it’s just great.

so i think i will skip dancing tonight in abbotsford and stay home and chill. make myself a nice dinner maybe catch up on a few things.

next weekend it will be off to seattle for jitterbug weekend so i’ll get my lindy fix then!

:)

cake, tan tan noddles and beer...

dinner of champions ...cake beer and tan tan noodles...

so it was paulus’s birthday day today. actually i think it was monday...but anyway...we celebrated today. i arrived two hours late for a dinner....i heard was pretty good though...at a vegan restaurant on a bad part of main st.

it seemed like a nice place...maybe i’ll eat there sometime. it's a yoga place as well. that’s a little weird...people doing yoga while you eat...very vancouver.

anyway...i made it there just in time to have some cake and a beer and a little chit chat.

thank god for left over tan tan noodles...yummy

i forgot my camera..so this is an old pic of paulus...but he looks the same..

happy birthday paulus!

:)

doing a little dance...

i'm doing the happy dance tonight...Rogers coming!!! soon..in a few weeks!

jojo is a happy girl tonight...

:):):)

nice shelf...

garnet came over tonight and put up this really nice shelf that he made...

it looks great...thanks g

:)

no mascara day....

I went to the doctor today....my doctors a good guy....I like him...but he
basically told me I'm getting old....tests to confirm...tba.

He didn't say I was getting old...but that's what I heard. He said I'm
experiencing some of the symptoms of pre menopause. I know that...its just hard
to hear.

I think somewhere in the back of my mind I still have this little hope....that
is slowly fading...I don't even know if I want it to come true or not....but the death
of that possibility is closer. 

So....I will have tests...maybe do some diet stuff....some hormone therapy. we
will see if I go back to being that sane yet only slightly insane, Independent
positive girl , I hope you all know and love. i don't want to got through ten years of hell...not for me.

Side note for mum....sorry for not understanding all those years ago. I think
I'm starting to understand how lonely that may have felt.

:)

more chicago...

i got these great pics today from our forum...i couldn't download them properly...which is really too bad b/c there were alot of great pics.

me and a mystery guy at the outdoor dance...well...i can't remember all their names!


i put this up...just to remind myself.....


this is how i picture lucky in my mind when i think of him.....


:)

eaves dropping...

i did something today that i really like doing....but for one reason or another...haven’t done lately.

i like to eaves drop in coffee shops.

i know kind of an odd hobby. but it’s fun. you hear the oddest stuff! i’m sure it’s rude...but oh well. i sit there read the paper...people watch...and listen. the busier the coffee shop the better....people talk louder when it’s busy!! i especially like doing it in coffee shops in other cities....but today i was content to do it in vancouver.

that reminds me i never put this guy up on my blog and i meant to...

this is a guy was stalking me in chicago. i saw him three times...in three days... three hoods.

this is him asleep in a coffee shop in wicker park! i also saw him down town skate boarding with some gorilla camera guy shooting him. another time getting off the subway somewhere else....wierd.

today garn was helping organise me....i need it. this is what he found when he moved a trunk....


:)

wclx

more pics from chicago....








:)

friday the 13th...

i never use to believe the friday the 13th superstitions...today..i believe it.

:)

more cool stuff from the windycity...

well...i had to! for the record..i didn't seek it out....

the next three pics are of this mesmerising silver bean....it's interesting how people are attracted to shiny reflective things...






these kids were awesome. it made me wonder though...what they would sound like if they had drums




:)

"what a differance a day makes....

24 little hrs......what the sun and the flowers....where there use to be rain.....my yesterday was blue dear....today i'm a part of you dear....my lonely nights are through dear, since you said you were mine......"

i love that song....the version i know is billie holiday. i don't know if she wrote it or not. all i know is that in this life...for me, those words hit home..they touch my heart on many levels.

yesterday down right sucked for me...no two ways about it. i was tired, jet lagged, hungry bc of terrible tummy problems still on going due to an uncontrollable desire to try deep dish pizza in chicago, i had an unfortunate incident with someone i would rather not mention that is still irking me today....but i'm trying really hard not to think about...with not too much luck. that doesn't work does it??

everything just seemed too much...too much sound, too much light, too much feeling, too many people....

anyway that was yesterday...this is today.....
today i have a big smile on my face that I'm trying to contain...just in case it doesn't happen...anyway the reason for this smile??
i'm afraid to say...even though i'm dying to tell someone.....i don't what to jinx it until it's certain....hmmmm
i will give you a hint a good friend that i miss very much is MAYBE coming for a visit very soon!!

ok here's another hint...

i didn't jinx it...bc i didn't write it!

:)

amazing city landscape

there's a lot of cool stuff in chicago...but one thing that definitely stands out, for me...other than the music....is the architecture.

here are some examples









:)

one dream....

i wrote everyday in chicago...but i’m just going to choice a few things for the next few days to post...and pics of course.


Today we had an afternoon dance outside...it was an amazing day for it...sunny with just a bit of a warm breeze. We danced people came by and watched asked questions....

One couple at the dance stood out for me. A black couple older....not sure how old....I'm going to guess in their 60s. they were awesome I watched them dance...they were having so much fun. It kinda brought a tear to my eye.

I thought....that's what I want.....I want to be in my 60s....70s....80s and still dancing up a storm...having fun!

If I could one dream in this life...one dream to come true....it that one...for sure.

:)
  

back....

i made it back from chicago!

a little tired....feeling a bit of a dance hangover...my place is pretty quiet and my cat didn't miss me....

oh well. i had fun anyway. i will catch you all up on my adventure tomorrow.
until then goodnight.

:)

while packing for chicago....

...i noticed that often when i pack to go away...i pack different clothes.

different from the ones i wear in town. wonder what that’s about?

i tend to be a bit more adventurous. often wearing things i have never or rarely worn before. i guess i feel freer somehow being in a strange city. people that expect to see me a certain way aren’t around. i don’t know.

anyway...as you might have figured out...i'm going to chicago!! friday afternoon!

i haven't officially got permission to be off work....oh well. all i know is...i'm going!

:)

real people

an interesting thing happened after i wrote the post below.....i noticed there are a lot of nice people i deal with during my work day.....a lot of shitty people, but a lot of nice people...real people.

:)

shame....

I'm ashamed that I cry about a job while people mourn their daughters...

When I see that pain in his their eyes....I remember that pain. And I think what
the hell am I doing.

scouring the city for three identical size 16 cream shirts..with an extra long arm.

Its just a Job. Its just money.....its meaning less....

:)

blues days....

first..sorry for the break in the posts...a combo of my internet being down and being too busy...

ok so pretty good weekend all and all. the hilight definitely being spending a nice Sunday afternoon at the stanley theatre watching “cooking at the cookery”...a story about the life of alberta hunter the blues singer...who love and admire.

the play was amazing carried by two incredible female actors. garnet was kind enough to accompany me then treat me to an early dinner afterwards..then it was off to abby for a little dancing.

i seem to have a bit of a bluesy theme going on in my life this week actually. this episode on the show we are doing a 1938 blues club. it’s based on the legend of robert johnson..the original blues guitarist who sold his sole to the devil....well....it was really drugs and alcohol and he was killed by a jealous husband of a woman he was having an affair with....but i guess the other story is much more romantic.

:)