ok...

Ok...changed the format again..this is the last time....I hope.

:)

thankxo

I’ve changed the backdrop by special request....hope people like it.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone that has sent me lovely messages regarding my blog. I’m quite surprised at the response...it’s been really nice.

I enjoy writing it and seems others enjoy reading it!! So that’s great! I feel like I have learned things about myself and maybe it allows others to see me in a different light as well. I realise I’m not always the best communicator, so maybe this is a good alternative for me....who knows.

I just know i’ll keep doing it for now.

We will talk again when I get back from St Louis!! Can’t wait!

:)

silly things...

It’s the little things that make you want to be with people...the simple things...the silly things. Like driving around on a nice spring evening chatting and having a slurpee.

:)

you will never know....

You just never know what’s going on with peoples lives until you’ve lived them.....

well, since you can never live them...

I like to think I care about what’s going on in peoples lives my family and friends anyway. But I don’t pretend to understand them. I don’t. No one does. Every one has their own truths and experiences.

I will never forget. Going to one of the many therapists after Tessah Died. One actually said to me...”I think your depressed”....No shit! My daughter just died! I wonder were and how long she had to study in order to come to that conclusion? She wanted us to take drugs. Sure...take the drugs and you’ll just forget right? The only problem is the drugs were off. Take more maybe???


Don’t try to understand me and I promise I won’t try to understand you....just love me!
Deal?

:)

easy sunday

Today was a nice easy sunday.

It was another gorgeous day. Went for a long drive to Bellingham with Garnet, to look at the honda element and do a little shopping. Spring has definitely sprung. Even the garage sales were going full force. I bought a CD for $9 and had a borrito. Now the boritto is expanding in my tummy....oh....well.

i’m gonna have a nap and maybe go dancing later..i don’t know. I might just stay in. I had some awesome dances last night. It may just tide me over till i go to St Louis this thurs!!! Can’t wait!

:)

frolicking at trout lake

Kimba--cute & dirty


Daisy relaxing in the lake

Today was a gorgeous day in Vancouver, so I decided to go get the dogs and hang out at trout lake.

It was great..the dogs got wet and muddy...they loved it!

We saw a mother duck cross our path w/about 8 little duckling following behind her. I wish i got a photo, but i had to keep my attention on Kimba and Daisy. They were sooo good...i told then to stay with me and they just did....it was cute. You know all they wanted to do was chase those little duckies!

Cheers...

:)

Happy Birthday Jordan!

me and Roger at my birthday last year


me and Jordan at his birthday party

Jordan and I started swing dancing at the same time, same class....it will be two years this august. Tonight Jordan will have his birthday dance at the legion...happy birthday Jordan!

I really think that dancing again has changed my life in so many positive ways. Because of it--- I am in better shape than I've been in years and have made many great new friends...many of which I may never have met. People of all ages and walks of life.... we all have one thing in common...the love of Lindyhop and the music we dance to.

This is the first time i've published pics...so hopefully it works!

:)

gypsy spirit....

I did it!! I booked all my trips. I’m on holidays so the gypsy blood in me is raring to go travelling..and dancing!!

Here are the details, just in case people are interested;

St Louis--april 27-may 1st... for a 3 day blues dancing workshop and a little touristy stuff.

London--may 11th-may 18th...b/c i can and i love it there...and I probably will do some swing dancing there also!...oh ya and i’ll see Simon and if i’m lucky my lovely niece and nephew.

Paris--may 18th-may 22nd....To see my long lost friend Kim!! Remember Kim from Tokyo?? Some of you will. Well, i finally found her again and she’s been hiding in Paris for the last 8years doing the starving artist thing.

Zurich---may 24th -may 29th...to visit my good friend Roger, dance and see the sights of Zurich!

oh........and one more thing! I didn’t tell anyone i was doing this one----

Halifax--Aug 11th-Aug 15th---for Dads 80th...WOW....now none of us can complain we are old! hehe (sorry dad couldn't resist)

:)

Skype me!

I didn’t really do much today..So I suppose I still have the post show blues. Just planned my trip(s), dyed a few tops, pretended to clean my apt...that sorta stuff....

One thing I did do though was talk to my friend Roger in Zurich on Skype. We were catching up and making travel plans---i’m going to visit Roger in late may...can’t wait, I miss hanging out with him.

---Anyhoo... Skype is great! You can talk to people all over the world for free!! The sound is good, if you have headphones...not as good without. It sounds like the person is sitting next to you. I just use the headphones I got with my ipod. I have a few friends on it but would love to get more. It really is free free free...you can use it on mac or pc’s.

so, try it...skype.com

I’m trying not to become completely nocturnal, so I guess I should go to bed soon...goodnight.

:)

Norms story.

I think I went a little crazy grocery shopping yesterday. I was going over to Garnet’s for Bbq...just the two of us, which was nice....but i shopped for a whole party..oh well.

i love grocery shopping it’s one of the domestic duties i can actually handle. I love going to the small shops...I don’t go to costco or superstore...i’d rather slit my wrists than go there.

I like going to Norms on the drive.
Norm is an awesome guy. This is Norms story:
He’s asian had a produce store in the commercial drive area for 20+ years.

He speaks fluent italian and sings italian opera songs as he happily refills the shelves----For those of you who don’t know Commercial drive use to be an italian hood. It still kinda is...but not as much. That’s one of the reasons I moved there when i came to Vancouver, anyway that's another story----back to Norm...

Norm and the guy who owns the hardware store across the street (old italian guy)...are friends. Years ago Norm wanted to open a produce store. The italian guy across the street---he wasn’t old then--- owned the building. he said to Norm in his broad italian accent of course... “you open your store in my place...I won’t charge you rent for awhile. You see how it goes. If it does well..I charge you rent... if it does’t oh well...
and that was that...

Norm doesn’t own the store anymore....he sold it to his employees for a song. Then continued to work there. His employee’s became his bosses and he became the employee...and nothing else has really changed..you still find Norm singing and stocking shelves as always. That was his idea of retiring and giving back to the neighbourhood that treated him so well.

I like that story.
;)

...like a big bowl of jello

There is this thing that happens when you work in film..for those who don'’t know. I call it the post show hangover. When it hits you...you just dont want to do anything for a bit. I think it comes for going and going for so long. Your body just says...that'’s it...your not doing anything for a bit! Usually it is accompanied by a cold or the flu. I just have allergies ....so that'’s not too bad.

Yesterday i went for a massage...wow..i'’ve been seeing Vicky for about 10years now. She's the most amazing, intuitive massage therapist i'’ve ever seen. I don'’t have to tell her anything...she just knows what to do. So when i came in and told her I actually felt pretty good...just need some relaxation...I think she took it as a challenge! I'm wiped...and feeling like a big bowl of jello!! I came back here afterwards and went back to bed for a good two hours. Puttered around the house for the rest of the day....went to bed early...slept another 10hrs!

Now I'’m in my robe on my 2nd pot of tea. Answered lots of emails, burnt some cd’s....etc.

I just can'’t seem to leave my house right now! I guess i'’m liking it here...even though it's a mess...oh well. It's kinda fun just hanging with yourself for awhile.

:)

Adventures and vintage shopping in Seattle

I went to Seattle this weekend do some dancing to the Salamn Dauglas band.

We got to Seattle after the longest boarder crossing I'd seen in awhile.....Sunday afternoon. I dropped off Lucy and Leo, then called my host and long lost cousin...Brian Lynch. He's not really my cousin, but I call him that b/c Lynch is a family name of mine. Anyway... I couldn't get in touch w/ him. So I called other fellow swing dancers Ian and Becky.

It was an beautiful day and we decided to walk their puppies around green lake. It was nice. We went for dinner after which I still hadn't heard from Brian so jumped at the offer to stay w/ them instead.

Next it was off to dance at the century. The band was great and there was no shortage of a awesome leads to dance with.
unfortunately for them... Ian and Becky come down suddenly w/ a bad case of food poisoning... so I left pretty early in the AM.

Had fun driving around the city (getting a little lost) and vintage shopping. When do you know you may have bought too much?.... when they offer you a bulk discount!! I just can't get a lot of good vintage stuff in Vancouver!

Anyway... I'm actually writting this in the 74th street pub in Seattle. What an awesome pub this is. Wish there was one like it in vancouver... I'd be there all the time. It's a neighbourhood place with great food and beer and a relaxed atmosphere.

Ok...I must do a quick change in the pub bathroom then almost time to go dancing again..... Oh, but first I must go to the chocolate cafe for an esspesso and a treat.... How great is that?!

Ya know there are negative things about the US but I have to say, I feel comfortable here. Maybe from all that time in DC growing up I don't know....but if I had a job offer here I would jump on it in a second.

See you in back in Vancouver...some of you.

:)

Happy Easter

last night I dreamt I went to a play. I parked my car...it was in a bad part of town. I was wearing heals. For some reason I parked far from the theatre and was a little scared, but it was fine.

A friend of mine was in the play...not sure who. When I arrived, I realised that Sean, Tara and all their friends...(who use to be my friends) were there. They were all sitting together... looked over at me as i came in. One asked me what i was doing there.

I went to find my chair-- a lone chair in an isle all by itself. I watched the play. For some reason i kept getting out of my chair, maybe my view was obstructed. Always when i would come back someone would be in in! The last person wouldn't get out and we had a fight about it. One of my friends finally came over to say hi....I went to hug her, but arms were cut off!

...food came by and it was all half eaten and not looking too appetising.

That was the whole dream.

Don’t know exactly what it means but have an idea. I’m probably having it now b/c it’s easter. Not that I celebrate easter...but I think I might stinging an little from the memory of last Thanksgiving.

Dreams have a way of bringing up things that you didn’t even know were bothering you.
:)

what do lindyhoppers do to relax? Go salsa dancing of course

So it was Annes idea to go salsa dancing at the polish community centre...and you know me i’m a dance slut...any kinda dancing and i’ll do it!!...ok maybe not any kind..well...depending on the audience! Enough of that....hehe

Anyway, I didn’t relish the thought of having to wait the regular salsa guys to ask me to dance.....so I got on my phone and started calling up all my swing dancing buddies to get a few more guys and gals together.

I met Anne before hand for a nice dinner and chin wag, at Monsoon on Main st. It was nice ...lately we talk alot on the phone a lot, but not so much in person.... we’re both so busy.

It was a quiet night at salsa but still fun. I pretty much only danced with Jordan the whole night. We made up our own version of the dance----we called ---swalsa! Hey....it might catch on...ok..maybe not.

the only reason i got up to today was b/c i had to pee.

the life of a film gal on hiatus:

When I awoke today i could here the rain...which usually would suck...but today it seemed ok.
I put the kettle on, checked Emails, chatted on msn a bit.... took a shower, drank tea... that sorta stuff.

I had booked an Aveda body scrub for today. That'’s when they rub nice smelling salts all over you to get all the dead skin off and get your blood going again and then massage--just as nice smelling-- cream on you....I picked peppermint salts...Thought it would be good for me...It was yummmy.....

After that I went to Prado for coffee and a muffin...Sean use to say i could fill a completely dead restaurant in 15mins. That happened today at Prado...i guess i still have it! ....I have odd talents!

Ok...I did to do some productive things today....I did laundry...well... I was out of clothes.....and a charming man is spoiling me with dinner at Vigs tonight!

life is tough...... :)

YEAH!!!

So I’m done...finally! i’m done my show. it was a long one for sure...9 months...wow.

I don’t think i’ll go back...i don’t know. I’ve left my options open just in case I get stuck and need to go back...but ya as I said before, I think it"s time to move on.

So now it’s on to some much needed R&R and catching up on my neglected life!! yeah!

:)

the odd little girl who played in the graveyard

When you look around you and think every one else is strange....does that mean you are the strange one?

Do you have the sudden urge when in walmart... to run out screaming?

Do you hate seemingly well adjusted/happy people?

Doe’s it seem sometimes that you accidentally landed on the wrong planet?

OK...I know i come from a not so normal family... eccentric we call it--- being middle class and British. That’s fine....we like it...wouldn’t have it any other way.

I don’t always reveal my oddness. (I don’t think i could function in the world if i did.... Although, the older I get the more “myself “ I seem to become.) I think that’s why i’ve always been choosy about my friends. The’re usually just as odd or odder (is that a word?) than me. Usually the people that others just don’t get.

...and the two loves i’ve had in my life....well...admit it.... you aren’t the most normal guys on the planet!!

***I hope everyone realises that I mean all of this in a very loveable--- wouldn’t want you any other way.....kinda way***

from the odd little girl who used to play in a graveyard.. :)

my life in a box

I paid another visit to the old storage locker today. fun.

As i walked through the maze i thought....what’s behind these doors?? Peoples old lives...in a box....thier hopes, dreams, faded memories....locked up behind closed doors. Why did they leave them here? Too busy to deal, don't know how?... maybe....?

Did you know that you can buy the contents of people storage lockers for a s low as $20! They auction them off!
....is that all the are worth...$20??? I’m hoping my life is worth more..but maybe not.

Who buys them anyway?? It’s a crap shoot of course. You could get a load of empty boxes and old couch and some memories. Hey--- you might score and find a box or two of vintage porn!


I think I'm going to down size my storage locker....soon.. :)

Jan 24 1998

the other day i dreamt about bodies...piles of died bodies. It reminded me of photos you would see of the holocaust. They were all squished and piled up like dead fetuses....except they were mostly adults i think.

when i awoke i was in a really odd postion...like i was one of them. It felt very strange..... I lay there for a long time thinking of the feeling of being in the dream and what it might mean.

I been having these dreams lately....they say they are fear dreams.

psychic network

it's been an odd and emotional week. ....for sure. Glad it's over...although it did have some great high pionts.... (i won't go into the details... ;)

Anyway....today I went to my lock up to take out garbage i've been paying to store for a year+++. Garnet helped me which was sweet...i probably would have blown it off he he hadn't. He calls me... psychic network. He might have something there.

I came across a diary from when i was pregnant with Tessah...and a little bit afterward.
wow...it’s weird how you remember things. I was shocked at some of the things i had written. The way i wrote and the dreams i had...it sounds like I knew somehow..... what was in store.

I remembered the dreams....the’re hard to forget. I remember telling the midwife about them and she saying it was normal to have fear dreams and everything was fine.....that’s NOT what these were. i wish.

One was really strange. I remember it clearly....it wasn’t a dream at all really.....i can picture it in my mind.

A round wood table with a glass in the centre. an empty room....and someone ( i can't see) saying to me clearly and calmly. "Jojo jojo you have to let her go. She was in prison for a long time and needs to be free now."

....that was it. I remember waking up and telling myself that it didn’t mean anything. But as i read this diary i realise that i sorta know that that wasn’t true.


you know what??
I think this writting thing is good.
i feel ok....i really do. :)

make the move

K....i'm waiting for the cable guy...i mean gas guy. thought i should write something.

I'm still flip floping on if i should go back to my show if and when it returns.

We had a little party last night...Dianes way of trying to make up for all the shit. not sure if she can...she's crossed the line one to many times...too far. it's like a bad boyfriend...you forget all the bad stuff after awhile...but at one point you just can't take anymore crap and say---- fuck it...i'm going it alone.

it's risky, it's scary and you could end up with someone worse...but you have to do it. You have to make the move.
:)

what now?

last night when i was walking my dogs i realised that spring had started without me.

I need to brush away the dead leaves and see the fresh shoots popping there little heads out through the soil...dig in the dirt and smell the earth and get real dirty.....soon.

oh ya...my gas got cut off today!! yeah! it didn't really bother me...there are much worse things. i'm having a beer for dinner...:)

little rose

Dear Little Rose,

i miss you.

i always will.

i just can't believe how much sometimes....my soul hurts for you.

i never knew before..that pain could reach so deep....splitting my heart open.

do you ever think... little rose, that it can be whole again?

just as i start to think that it may be..i am caught off guard.

will i ever see you again... little rose?

i love you.

Life is about taking chances

hmmm.....don't know if I will ever give anyone this address...but it seems like a good idea to try writing some stuff down.

I can't wait for this week to be over. it's been a weird one.

I went to see sean and the dogs after work...i got off early, the sun was still up...it seemed like a good idea. i miss the dogs.

Sean...sean was so angry. Don't know why....but it brought back memories...bad ones...reminded of one of the many reasons I left. I felt sad for him...as he yelled at me standing in the yard, the words bouncing off me...for the most part. ok...i'm strong. but it doesn't mean that i don't feel the hurt. sometimes i think people don't get that.

i hope he gets help someday. I don"t think he's mad a me...i think he's mad at life... which i understand...all to well.