duality

i have many duality's to my personality, this is about one of them.....one i myself am trying to understand.

i’m confident and self sufficient person....but i have moments when i become that little girl who just wants to be loved and taken care of.

they are both me. they are both an important part of my personality. the latter part of my personality, i don’t really like for but i suppose it makes me a more caring person...who thinks of others and their feeling when she can.

this sensitive part of me tends to come out only at certain times and is fairly short lived..... when i’m tired, stressed or sometimes just when i’m hungry or going through a part of my cycle. sometimes i think my work takes so much of the independant jojo..that only sensitive jojo is left behind when i'm off.

when people are first getting to know me, i think it surprises and confuses them when they find out i can be like that. it’s like the first jojo they started to get to know...isn’t who she appears to be. i know i try to hide it from others....b/c i’m not proud out it. i wonder if people feel sorta lied to by that?! maybe i shouldn’t hide it. i don’t know. maybe on a certain level it can be a strength. maybe with out that bit of me.....i would just be a bitch!!

i know people often see the independent confident side of me and think that’s all i am. that i don’t need others to care for. well, they are mistaken....i do. just like everyone in this stinking world...i need others to care for and care about me. no matter how hard i try not to...i do. i just don’t need to be with them all the time. i like my freedom and being on my own.... probably more than the average person. i think that's why i like my job so much..b/c most for the day i'm on my own, driving around the city. i enjoy my own company, doing my own thing, living on my own. some how just knowing i have people around that care....that is is enough i think. knowing i can rely on them in a pinch.

....b/c i really am that strong, independent jojo.....but i’m also this one.

:)